Sunday, March 22, 2009

Musings Around A Big Number

I'm not really happy with my life right now.

Many things about it are right. I love my little family very much. I enjoy having the free time that I do. We're getting by financially; we eat good food. I exercise regularly. I stay entertained most of the time.

Some things about it are not right. We have very little money for new things, be they big as computers or small as new clothes. By the end of most days, I am tired of watching E. and happy to basically hand her off to V. My exercise doesn't yield the results I want (visible abs, and visible chest muscles). Exercising regularly doesn't really let me drink; I huff and puff through a routine I can normally complete without issue. (In fact, after some initial results, I'm seeing NOTHING from my exercise.) My relationship with J. ended. When V. leaves me in the evenings, I feel quite alone.

I'm going to be 30 this year. I've asked some friends to host a party for me. I'm not sure I want a party. I'm not sure what I want from things as they are now.

What I want is to get a simple job outside of the house. I'd get more time away from E., we would have money for new things, and I might meet some new people. I'd have to work.

This post doesn't have a good ending, because E. has been talking and telling me stories and wearing a bell.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Oh, What Horrible Ideas!

I just found out that they're pretty much done producing a sequel to the horrible Jason Statham film, Crank. There are a couple of problems with this idea, though. Here's a quick version of the plot of Crank:
A hitman gets poisoned by some bad dudes who say (via videotape) that he will be dead within the hour. He shortly realizes that adrenaline staves off the effects of the poison. He runs around town doing crazy, irrational things, trying to keep his adrenaline level up. He goes to a mob doctor for help, but the doc tells him there's no antidote. There's a big showdown with the bad dudes and our poisoned hitman protagonist jumps out of a helicopter, hits the ground, bounces, and hits the ground again. finis
That was spoilery and concise, right? Now, let's see if you can spot the egregious plot mistakes the writers wrote into the sequel. From Wikipedia:
Picking up immediately after he hits the ground at the end of Crank, Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) is kidnapped by a gang of Chinese medics. On an operating table, they attempt to harvest his organs, but after removing his heart and replacing it with an electronic temporary one, Chev wakes up and kills the medics. He then has to chase after the gang who have stolen his heart, but at the same time, shocking himself with regular jolts of electricity to keep himself alive.
Take a minute if needed. Ready? Like the plot of the sequel, the idiocy picks up immediately after the end of the first movie. If they can get there soon enough to harvest organs, the medics must know what happened: a poisoned guy fell from a helicopter. This leads us to believe that these Chinese medics are idiots.
  • How many organs will still be in a useful state after the body hits the ground at terminal velocity, bounces, and hits the ground again? All the useful stuff from inside the ribcage will have lots of punctures from, y'know, broken ribs.
Okay, let's overlook that one for a moment. Maybe in a future episode the MythBusters will prove that organs would be reasonably protected after a long fall . . . somehow. That still leaves us (and the medics) with a big problem:
  • The body (and all of its organs) is still full of deadly, hour-to-live poison from the first movie (as well as a strong shot of epinephrine). In the timeline of the films, that took place about five or six hours ago.
I don't think I can watch Jason Statham movies after this. He could have turned the part down. Can't you just hear his sexy accent saying, "No, guys, this is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry"? I wish he had. The producers would've gotten some young no-name and we could all have ignored this movie. That didn't happen, though, and now we'll all be subjected to advertising featuring Jason Statham!! in his craziest role yet, doing all his own stunts, etc.

I'm a little disgusted by the whole thing. I'm sorely tempted to do drive-by theater spoilers in the "Snape kills Dumbledore!" vein. They might sell a few less tickets. What do you good people think?

Monday, March 2, 2009

This Wiggles Thing.

I may have to change this challenge a bit. I keep failing while I'm under the influence of various substances. I'll use a swear word for emphasis and *BOOM!*, I'm back to square one.

It's all a bit frustrating, but it has cut down on my swearing 99%. It's difficult to break the habit. I'm trying to decide whether to change my challenge to avoiding public swearing, or swearing around the kids - eventually I'd like to actually finish this ordeal. For now, though, it remains untouched: avoid swearing for full-on seven days, starting over when I fail. Perhaps watching "Fawlty Towers" and seeing John Cleese get so very, very angry will help.