Friday, April 30, 2010


Talking to someone cool who suddenly stops responding without reason.  I don't mean in the "Oh, I had to get the laundry" sense; I mean the "Well, if you ever want to say 'hi', you have my e-mail & phone number" lack of response.

We've all been there.  Next time you think of cutting someone off, take a moment to say so.  You know you're hurting their feelings already; just bite the bullet.


Thrae said...


Priscilla said...

I don't really know the particulars of the situation you mean. But here's a different perspective: I HAVE ended conversation with people before, typically people whom I've only interacted with via IM, and here are some of my thoughts on it.

1- You say "you know you're hurting their feelings," but really, I don't. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. I'd be surprised if I mattered enough to someone with whom I had had such limited contact, to hurt their feelings.

I genuinely DON'T want to hurt someone's feelings. Just as an example, I was chatting with a guy from OKCupid who was sort of rubbing me the wrong way, when he revealed that he has Bipolar Disorder. I have a strict "no people with bipolar" policy, so that that point I began to withdraw from the conversation. The next time he IMd me I was genuinely surprised to hear from him- we hadn't seemed very compatible and I hadn't expected to hear from him again. I was polite but not enthusiastic, and then I set my IM to show him that I am offline at all times.

I think it would have been MORE hurtful to say to him "Don't talk to me ever again," than to just bow out casually.

2- As a woman, I do have to keep in mind that directly saying to someone like this: 'We're not talking anymore," can be dangerous. It's far more likely that a stranger with a mental problem will focus that mental problem on ME after a confrontation, than that they will do so if I just fade away.